Finding Faith After Disappointment

There have been numerous times when I’ve lost faith, and I can honestly say there were times I’ve felt angry with God. Those moments of anger and disappointment often came after facing serious hurt, even after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Many of us tend to believe that once we embrace Christ, everything will fall into place instantly. We expect life to be smooth sailing from that moment on. The truth is that’s not how it works. Jesus never said it would be easy but he did say it’ll be worth it.

My Journey of Faith: From Joy to Heartbreak

I remember a time in my life when everything seemed perfect. I had just gotten married, I was in a close relationship with God, I was walking in true obedience and my family was on great terms. Life felt easy and joyful. Then, about five months after my husband and I tied the knot, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. I was nervous but filled with happiness. I started making changes in my life for this baby and became deeply attached to the idea of becoming a mother.

Then, the unexpected happened. On February 8th, 2022, toward the end of my first trimester, I had a miscarriage. This was the hardest thing I faced since coming to Christ. What followed was a wave of disappointment and anger. I found myself questioning God: Why did You let this happen? Did I do something wrong? Will I ever be able to carry a baby full term? I thought He would never allow such pain to enter my life, especially after all I’ve been through. I began to doubt His promises and His love for me. Honestly, I was expecting a perfect life. I didn’t expect any disappointments.

I went through days and nights of mourning and hurt. Eventually, I picked myself up and turned to prayer, crying out to God. I told Him, “Lord, I don’t understand why this happened. If I’ve done anything wrong, I repent. I was so excited about becoming a mother. Please, I want to carry a child to full term and give birth to a healthy baby. I want to be a mother.” After many days of pouring my heart out in prayer, I felt comforted, and I later received a prophecy that I would bear a child in January 2023.

Balancing Hope And Doubt

Once I accepted this promise, my mindset shifted. I thought, “Well, If I’m supposed to give birth in January, I need to get pregnant by April 2022.” I embraced the prophecy, but I began to rely more on my own efforts and my body rather than fully trusting God. I tried for three months, taking about 10-15 pregnancy tests each month. However, my faith started to waver again. My husband Adrian reminded me that if it was meant to happen, and if God truly spoke, it would come to pass, so I decided to stop forcing it.

In the month of April, we had one moment together without any pressure. On May 11th, with just one test left out of the many I had purchased, I decided to take it. I thought, “If it doesn’t come back positive, I’ll be disappointed, but I won’t walk away from God, I won’t give up.” Honestly, I didn’t expect it to be positive since I hadn’t really tried. Yet, I still held on to a sliver of faith. When I took the test and saw that it was positive, I couldn’t believe it.

Nine months later, on January 30, 2023, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Abrielle. That day, God’s promise came to pass.

Releasing Doubt And Embracing Healing

Even after receiving my promise, my faith was still tested because I realized that it’s not always easy on this side of faith. I began to question, “What else will God allow to happen?” I’m still today working through that disappointment, but the more I reflect on how God’s words are always true, the more my faith and trust are restored day after day. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to take time to heal; this process is not rushed. God sees everything we go through and understands the depth of our feelings. He walks with us through our struggles, reminding us that we are never alone. Each day brings a new opportunity to lean into His promises and remember that His plans for us are good, even when we don’t understand the journey.

Just because the unexpected happens doesn’t mean we have to throw in the towel. Instead, we can lean into our faith, allowing it to grow through our struggles. When we face disappointment or anger, we can bring those feelings to God. He can handle our frustrations, hurt and doubts; it’s okay to express how we feel. In doing so, we open the door to healing and understanding.

The Power of Faith In Uncertainty

Through this journey, I’ve learned that faith is not about having all the answers or avoiding pain. It’s about trusting God in the midst of uncertainty and knowing that He has a plan for us, even when we can’t see it. Our experiences, both joyful and painful, shape us and strengthen our faith.

As I look back on my journey, I am grateful for the lessons learned through my trials and tribulations. They have deepened my relationship with God and reinforced my belief in His promises. I encourage anyone who is facing disappointment or anger to keep seeking Him. Trust that He is working all things together for your good, even when it feels hard to believe.

Remember, God’s timing is perfect, and His love for us is unwavering. Hold on to your faith, and don’t give up on the promises He has for your life. You never know how close you are to a breakthrough.

Psalm 27:13

I remain confident of this. I will see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living.