Having Faith and Love Through the Pain: Lessons Learned From my Grandmother’s Final Days.

This blog post is dedicated to my beloved grandmother, Joyce Hollis/Bell, who we sadly lost on November 6, 2025. In this post, I want to open up about my thoughts and feelings and share my experiences during my grandmother’s last days. More than anything, I hope to highlight the valuable lessons I learned during that time.

FACING THE UNEXPECTED

In 2024, during a routine check-up, my grandmother received some shocking news: the doctor found a spot on her lungs. After a biopsy, we learned it was lung cancer. Thankfully, by the grace of God, we found out that the cancer could be surgically removed. After the operation, she was declared cancer-free. However, a year later, she started experiencing severe pain on her right side, and another scan revealed that the cancer had returned aggressively. It was diagnosed as stage 4 in March, 2025. When my grandmother called to share the news, we both cried together over the phone. From that moment on, I made a commitment to be by her side through every step of her battle. I knew I was all she had in this fight.

ENTERING THE UNKNOWN

After her re-diagnosis, my grandmother’s pain became unbearable, and within three months, things began to change. During one visit, I suggested that she come live with me so I could take care of her. She hesitated and said, “If I need to come, I’ll come, but I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for if I don’t have to.” I understood and told her that was okay.

As we approached her first oncology appointment, it was an entirely new experience for both of us. I watched her as we entered the doctor’s office, taking in the sight of others who were also battling cancer—some had lost their hair, others were on oxygen, and a few were in wheelchairs. While she remained brave, I couldn’t help but wonder what thoughts and feelings were going on inside her mind.

When the doctor entered the room, she confirmed that the cancer was very aggressive. I watched my grandmother’s tears fall and her frustration grow. I did my best to comfort her during that difficult moment, knowing how much she wished the doctors could remove the cancer like they had done before. The doctor explained that surgery wasn’t an option for stage 4 cancer, but she outlined a couple of treatment options: immunotherapy and chemotherapy.

Out of anger and fear, she said, “I’m not doing chemo; I don’t want to lose my hair!” I tried to reassure her, telling her, “Don’t worry about your hair; focus on living.” But because of her stubbornness, she was set on her choice and chose immunotherapy. I was there to support her, but deep down, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease about it.

FINDING STRENGTH IN FAITH

After she started her initial therapy sessions, things took a turn for the worse. The pain became so overwhelming that she could no longer work. It was clear she had no choice but to accept my offer to move in with me. Without hesitation, I packed up her house and brought her to my home, no questions asked.

As she went through a few more treatments, I noticed a little shift in her attitude. During this time, she decided to deepen her faith, believing and hoping that the therapy might be working. She chose to get up and fight, relying on her trust in God. I wasn’t entirely sure about my grandmother’s faith journey before she moved in with me, but I could see that during her time here, she placed her trust in Jesus. During a prayer from my husband, she even accepted Jesus as her lord and savior.

Then, I started to notice changes in her; I would peek into her room and find her on her knees praying. I saw her reading the Holy Bible and writing down thoughts in her notebook. On Saturday nights, she would ask us if we were going to Sunday service. Every day, I witnessed something new in her faith. As the days passed, my husband and I, along with everyone else, held onto hope that she might be miraculously recovering.

THE HEARTBREAKING REALITY

Later, everything came crashing down when she had a CT scan to check if the immunotherapy was working. We received the devastating news that her cancer was progressing rapidly. The doctor recommended that she start hospice care. Overwhelmed with emotion, she cried out, “I’m not ready to die; I want to try chemo.” Little did we know, it was already too late. During her next doctor’s visit, I could see the pain worsening, and then the doctor delivered the heartbreaking news: and said “at this stage, chemotherapy is no longer an option, you should focus on her quality of life”. I watched as the tears streamed down her face, and my heart broke along with hers.

NAVIGATING THROUGH TENSION

With her world crashing down, her agitation often turned toward me, which made me feel upset and it only added tension in our home. In her final month, there seemed to be a noticeable distance between us. Reflecting on that time now, I realize I didn’t extend the mercy and grace that Jesus would have shown. I allowed my own feelings and frustrations to create a barrier that shouldn’t have been there, especially when she needed support the most.

As the distance between us grew and the frustration intensified, I could see her declining more each day. I remember my husband telling me, “Let the petty things go; this is your grandmother, and she’s probably in her last days.” But in my pride, I brushed it off, thinking, “That’s no excuse.”

THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGED

Then one morning, everything changed. She woke me up, crying out in pain, begging, “Lord, help me! Please take this pain away. Don’t let me suffer like this.” I quickly called her nurse, and they took her to an inpatient unit to get her pain managed. We thought she would be back home in a few days.

While sitting with her, she looked at me and said, “Candace, I need you to start getting everything ready, just in case something happens to me.” I had heard that before during this journey but never wanted to confront it. I brushed it off, telling her I loved her and went home. The next day, I returned to find my grandmother slipping into her final stages.

IN THE FINAL DAYS/HOURS

In just 24 to 72 hours, I watched her lose her independence—her ability to walk, eat, and even drink. With all the medication, she didn’t even recognize me anymore. I saw a woman who once loved to talk fall silent. She stopped eating and drinking altogether, yet she was still in so much pain. I pulled the nurse aside and asked when she would be coming back home. The nurse shook her head and said, “She’s not going back home. It won’t be long now.”

In a panic, I called my family and shut the doors to create a private moment. I began to pour my heart out to her, telling her how much I loved her. I said, “Granny, I love you so much. I’m sorry if I didn’t treat you the best. I regret letting pride and frustration come between us. You’re the best granny I could ask for.” I reassured her, saying, “You don’t have to hurt anymore. I’m going to be okay.”

My two-year-old daughter came over, comforting her with a gentle kiss. I watched as my grandmother looked up at me, a tear rolling down her cheek, and then she closed her eyes. That was the last time I saw her eyes open. The next day, she slipped into unconsciousness. I knew death was near, so I wiped her dried tears away, gave her a sponge bath, and brushed her hair one last time. On November 6th, As I was on my way to be with her, I received a call from the nurse. “I’m sorry,” she said, “your grandmother just passed.” In that moment, all I felt was an overwhelming wave of hurt and sadness.

REFLECTIONS & LESSONS LEARNED

Through everything I experienced and witnessed, I learned so much during this journey.

HOLD ON TO FAITH…
One of the most important lessons I took from my grandmother is to hold on to faith, no matter how challenging things may seem. She fought bravely for eight months, enduring pain every single day. When I researched, I found that many don’t survive more than four to five months with stage 4 cancer. I truly believe that her unwavering faith helped her push through and stay with us longer than anyone anticipated.
LET IT GO & FORGIVE…
I’ve come to realize that the differences with the ones you love just aren’t worth holding onto. You can be angry with each other one moment, and then they could be gone the next. That leaves you with nothing but regret. Looking back, I wish I had let go of my pride to have her with me for just one more day.
WALKING IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES. (THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE)…
I’ve also learned the importance of putting myself in someone else’s shoes, understanding their mindset and feelings, just as Jesus does for us. I was so caught up in feeling unappreciated that I didn’t stop to consider what my grandmother might have been feeling—the pain, the agony, and the fear she was facing. How would I feel if that was me facing death? If I had approached the situation with that perspective from the start, my patience would have likely been much better.

GRATITUDE IN THE MIDST OF GRIEF…

While I miss my grandmother deeply, I am incredibly grateful that she chose me to be by her side during this journey. Even through the days filled with hurt and frustration, the lessons I learned were invaluable. Most importantly, I was there to spend her last days with her. She got to know her great-granddaughter and witness the love of God in those moments.

That’s what truly matters.

I love you, Granny. Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me, and for your unconditional love and support. You will always hold a special place in my heart.
– Candace